Anna Hamilton is a writer, blogger and social media whiz who has contributed articles, cartoons, and more to publications such as xoJane, Bitch Magazine, Ladyish, The Toast, and Global Comment. She and her partner live in California's Bay Area. You can contact her by visiting her website at http://annaham.net, or email her at hamdotblog[at]gmail.com.
Here is the second installment of my theoretical/graphic memoir on disability, visibility, and gender! Previously: Part 1
Image descriptions can be found below the .jpgs; click the images for larger versions. Should you need more background on the “Supercrip” trope, a piece that I wrote for Bitch on the topic (all the way back in 2009) is cited on page 7.
Note: The following graphic work was part of my Master’s thesis. Rather than letting it sit and collect dust–and, just as crucially, now that I have a bit of distance from it–I have decided to share it. It will run on DI in several parts; since the chapters are quite long, I’ll be dividing it up for maximum readability. Image descriptions can be found below the .jpgs; click the images for larger versions.
When it comes to actually sitting down and writing, there seems to always be something mental or physical that’s in my way. I suck at poetry, so no writing poetry for me, even if it’s just two or three lines. Short stories? I am terrible at those, too, although I occasionally manage to write one and then forget about it, only to find it years later stuffed away in one of the 25 or so computer desktop folders that I’ve created for my writing. I tried writing a sci-fi novel once, starting when I was 13, stuck to it for a good two years, and only gave up entirely when my very own case of major depressive disorder in high school basically sucked that one out of me.
Six Things I’ve Learned From Dealing With Chronic Pain
As I have written about in many locations around the web (including this site), I have chronic pain and fatigue caused by a condition called fibromyalgia. I started experiencing symptoms at 20, was diagnosed at 21, and in the eight years since my diagnosis have learned some things that may or may not prove useful to both other people with chronic pain and/or health conditions, and “healthy” people as well. The following is less about what having this condition is like on a daily basis (please see my xoJane article linked above for more on those aspects), and more about (insert triumphant violin swells here) WHAT I’VE LEARNED from having a debilitating illness that I will have for the rest of my life:
Sometimes a “positive attitude” is not the best course–try to aim for a realistic attitude instead. I know that maintaining a “positive attitude” is all the rage these days, but for some people it is simply not a great choice. There is no faster way to make yourself feel bad about having “negative” thoughts/energy/whatever than to try to actively banish these thoughts by trying to “think positively” instead of, y’know, dealing with those negative feelings. Bad feelings are a part of life, and they need to be dealt with so you don’t end up making yourself feel worse by trying to wish them away. This is why I try to cultivate a realistic attitude–I have both good days and bad days when it comes to pain and fatigue, and I can acknowledge and work with that instead of stuffing any negative feelings down under the guise of being POSITIVE all of the time.
Note: This piece was originally written in 2006. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia a few months after writing it.
I am grinding my teeth.
I know instinctively that I shouldn’t; it makes my jaw hurt and can often lead to a loathsome headache, but right now I have no other outlet.
I sit hunched over in an uncomfortable plastic chair. I’m dressed in old jeans and a sweatshirt that could use a washing, scanning the room like a hungry, angry buzzard on the lookout for a freshly dead creature upon which to feast. I am just that grizzled, as I have been for the three months I’ve been waiting for this appointment.
I started experiencing overwhelming fatigue and joint pain five months prior out of nowhere, and when I reached two months of feeling like I’d been hit by an SUV from the time I woke up in the morning until I went to bed every night, I went to my GP and asked if she could figure out what was wrong. Since a 20-year old presenting with unexplained pain and fatigue was out of her wheelhouse clinically, I was referred to a neurologist. Of course, he had a three-month waiting list.
Accessibility note: The image descriptions for this series, since they are very long, can be found under the image .jpgs in each installment, rather than in the alt-text field.
Introductory remarks: I completed the following multi-part, miniature graphic work on whiteness, white privilege and physical (dis)ability in 2010 as part of a final assignment for an anthropology class on the construction of race and ethnicity–and, old as it is, I’ve decided to share the entire work on Disability Intersections for what I hope are fairly obvious reasons. I’m not a professional artist by any stretch of the imagination, but I believe very strongly in both the accessibility of graphic work as a tool for anti-oppression work, and how graphic work can allow certain things to be conveyed that cannot always be conveyed in writing–particularly academic writing.
Many people with chronic health conditions, chronic pain, and/or mental health conditions are well aware that the mind can influence how the body feels on both acute and more long-term levels. A Google search for “chronic pain and depression” brings up around 42 million results; it’s not surprising that mental health concerns are a problem when it comes to chronic physical health problems, whether mental health issues precede chronic illness or spring up long after a person has been dealing with chronic pain and illness. In many cases, mental health issues and chronic illness/pain affect each other, but for those who have both, it’s not so much a chicken-or-egg problem of “which came first?” rather than trying to deal with and manage each issue on an ongoing basis.